tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4059077432036354029.post6554012488800650740..comments2023-08-22T22:10:42.197-07:00Comments on your first page: Have I Got Your Attention Now?Peter Selginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03493565026700541812noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4059077432036354029.post-16850153749443450792010-06-11T11:54:59.675-07:002010-06-11T11:54:59.675-07:00Yes, probably the approach I need to take. Thank y...Yes, probably the approach I need to take. Thank you. Would have to either <br />a) go back to the conversation with John alluded to<br />or<br />b)some longer internal monologue<br />Probably best to take a run at both approaches, see which works better.<br />At this point Pete does not 'buy in' to this belief system, something he vaguely remembers from very early childhood. Through the course of the novel he becomes more attuned to the world view of some older family members. He is dismissive, even a bit contemptuous, here as an 18 yr old just finished A levels etc, though he does dislike the attitudes Sid displays. He does not yet realize how his own deeply engrained core attitudes stem from the old beliefs.<br />phil<br />P.S. After this page is a bit closer to perfect only another 70k words to upgrade to the same standard.Philip van Wulvenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08982189741313001495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4059077432036354029.post-45428252272830368332010-06-10T23:04:33.525-07:002010-06-10T23:04:33.525-07:00Phillip--
You treat those beliefs in a throw-away...Phillip--<br /><br />You treat those beliefs in a throw-away line in the fourth paragraph, where you equate them with acid flashbacks, so this reader shrugged them off when instead they turn out to be not only key to understanding the moment but to grasping one of your book's fundamental themes. Why not have your narrator spell it out more or less as you have here and not dismissively?Peter Selginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03493565026700541812noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4059077432036354029.post-57099833654240477032010-06-10T20:39:08.344-07:002010-06-10T20:39:08.344-07:00I see that I have not managed to convey the belief...I see that I have not managed to convey the beliefs of the San people clearly enough. Pete has recently been reminded of the old belief that power hungry domineering people are possessed by lion spirits. This type of behaviour is regarded as highly anti-social, and lions are not regarded as being in any way benevolent or admirable. <br />The intent is to show a different unfamiliar belief system, to see people in light of their 'spirit affinity'<br />Later in the book this theme is expanded.Philip van Wulvenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08982189741313001495noreply@blogger.com